Fatal Flaws to Look for When Dating
Fatal Flaws: The characteristics in a person that can make a relationship anything from challenging to all the way up to a nightmare. When you begin dating someone make sure to look for negative characteristics in them. Someone who has issues with addiction, anger or emotions is someone you should be staying away from.
Fatal flaws to watch out for in a partner:
- Control Freak
- Emotionally unavailable
- Hasn’t recovered from past relationships
When you get involved with someone who has an addiction, you are playing with a fire and you will probably get burned. When you are in love with a person that deals with addiction, you are in a love triangle– you, your partner, and whatever they are addicted to. If your significant other has an addiction, they are in love with something other than you; the alcohol, the drugs, etc. That substance is your rival — it will take his time, his attention, and his spirit away from you. When you love someone with an addiction, you are loving someone who is not a free person.
Be prepared to deal with:
- inconsistent and unpredictable behavior
- outbursts of anger and violence
- fighting and bickering
- frequent bad moods
- lots of ups and downs in the relationship
Make sure you get your partner help because abusing drugs and alcohol can lead to serious consequences. Help your partner free them-self of the addiction. If you’re looking for a relationship remember: don’t get involved with someone who is addicted, or freshly into recovery.
Does your partner get angry at literally everything? Here are some signs that they may have serious anger issues.
- Your partner gets very angry when little things don’t go his/her way.
- When you disagree with your partner, they start calling you mean names.
- Your partner has very little patience and becomes extremely annoyed if she/he has to wait for something.
- When you ask your partner to do a simple little task, and he/she becomes defensive.
- When you give your partner any feedback whatsoever about how his behavior affects you, they interpret it as an attack and viciously attack back.
If a few of these statements fit your partner, you need to take action immediately to confront the problem to your partner. Balancing a home life, school work and maybe even a job can most definitely stress people out. Sometimes, people take out their stress through anger, which means yelling and screaming at people and blaming them for things. If this problem occurs in your relationship, I highly suggest you seek some help to calm things down.
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend have to have things their way, or they get upset?
Do you feel judged or constantly criticized by your partner?
If you answered yes to either of these, then you may be in love with a control freak. A control freak is the exact opposite of a victim. While a victim often avoids making decisions, a control freak must make all the decisions. A victim looks for help; a control freak almost never seeks help. Most human beings like to feel in control of their lives and feel very weary being out of control. The difference is that control freaks must be in control of their lives, and the will do anything to avoid feeling out of control. This often presents problems in more serious relationships.
- Control freaks yearn for ALL your time, and become jealous if you’re around other people without them.
- Control freaks can become easily upset, and when they do they will express their anger by hurting them-self physically.
- Control freaks can be compulsive about their living habits.
- Control freaks don’t like being told what to do.
- Control freaks have a hard time relaxing.
- Control freaks can become very irritable and impatient.
If you are in a relationship with a complete control freak, don’t kid yourself. If the situation isn’t taken care of, it will only get worse. Your partner must acknowledge the problem and take action to improve it. If not, it would just be best to let your partner deal with it them-self, in order to recover solely.
Your partner isn’t emotionally unavailable
There are so so so many people on this planet that are willing to love you and receive your love in return. Why choose someone who has a hard time opening up and spend your time trying to pry open that persons heart?
Naturally, we all have emotional walls that hide the parts of us that we’re afraid of showing others, and part of a healthy relationship is to learn to become open and trusting. But some people aren’t ready to have a relationship because they are just too emotionally blocked. Some warning signs:
- Your partner cannot and will not show emotions.
- Your partner will not or cannot talk about feelings.
- Your partner can’t open up or trust.
Talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend about this. See if they’ll open up. Tell them that you love them and care about them no matter what their strengths or weaknesses may be. Part of being in a relationship is to make sure you’re able to have the best communication possible with your partner. If your partner shuts you out, or doesn’t show emotions, confront them about your uneasiness.
Hasn’t recovered from past relationships
We all carry emotional baggage from our past relationships to our new ones. Sometimes the baggage you carry over from your previous love affair can dramatically affect the new affair. If you meet someone who hasn’t recovered from a heartbreak, you’re in for disappointment. Yet you may be able to take away some of their sadness, the initial memories will always be there.
Here are some specifics to watch out for:
- Your partner still carries anger and resentment to his/her ex.
- Your boyfriend/girlfriend still feels guilty for ending their last relationship.
- Your partner is emotionally scarred from being so heartbroken.
The behaviors mentioned above are completely acceptable only if you and your partner got together very close to the time of his/her breakup. If it has only been a few weeks since then, your partner is obviously still adjusting to the sudden change. But, if your partner is still upset after 2 months or more, you’ve got a problem. Your partner should not be grieving over an ex when they have you.
“The more anger toward the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.”
Just remember, think clearly and make the right decisions in choosing your partner. Don’t set yourself up to getting hurt.